The Quixotic Pastor

Friday, August 17, 2007

Ingredients and Warning Label

Last Friday I was visiting with my friend and fellow activist Kator down in Most Liberal City in the Land of God's Left Hand and somehow we got to discussing the subject of "wouldn't it be nice if certain people had warning labels?" And then, because we thought that was kind of negative, we thought that maybe an "ingredients label" would be better for people.

Imagine how much easier pastoring and other church work would be if everyone had a "Nutritional Facts" label imprinted on their foreheads which described their make-up and under what circumstances they functioned well or functioned poorly ... just like a food product, dietary supplement or pharmaceutical.

And sure enough, a couple of days after that conversation, Kator sent along her very own nutritional facts label, and challenged me to produce my own. We also talked about how this might be a wonderful pre-marriage exercise for couples to do, and talked about how beneficial this exercise might be to people in many different circumstances.

So here's my "Nutritional Facts" label for Rev. Dona Quixote ... see what you think:

Nutrition Facts: [Rev. Dona Quixote]

Ingredients: mischevious moonshine; new wine of spirit; effervescent champagne joy; prophetic piss and vinegar; fire-roasted chili pepper smart-ass salsa; loving, gentle lamb; rambunctious ardent ram; persistence of pig-head; seething, simmering just-below-the surface passion sauce [serving suggestion: douse with brandy and light like a torch –poof!!!!], filet of fierce tenderness of mama bear, cream of caring, Good Humour happy-dance ice-cream delight, buttery rich lusciousness of tongue, speech and thought, ornery wild oats not yet sown. Minimal amounts of china-closet clumsy bull, savory of senseless shyness, mysterious moodiness and inscrutable closed-mouth clam may be present.

Serving Size: 1 Person, Super-sized, Voluptuous and Delicious

For Best Results:
This product performs admirably under the following conditions: presence of good humor, thoughtfulness, graciousness, good food, drink, meaningful conversation, encouragement, generosity of spirit and love, and big hugs.
Generous amounts of wine, women and song will greatly enhance this product’s flavor.
Despite this product’s propensity for intensity, regular times of reflection, isolation and solitude are important to maintain this product’s potency.

This product is volatile under certain conditions. Please note for your safety that:
· Contents tend to function poorly and possibly disappear mysteriously from your pantry if exposed to any of the following: micro-management and other forms of condescension, rigidity of thought and/or practice and other forms of inflexibility, petty criticism, manipulative behavior, nagging, whining, willful ignorance, gossip and other forms of inauthentic and unhelpful speech.
· Contents may EXPLODE if exposed to high levels of the following: recalcitrant technology, unexplainably slow traffic, arrogance, greed, selfishness, bullshit and boredom, and nearby explosions of other products.

Made in Dallas, Texas xxxx xxxx xxxx


  • At 4:14 PM , Blogger Rainbow Pastor said...

    I love it!! I'm working on my own already.

  • At 6:25 PM , Blogger LadyBurg said...

    I love this idea. And I didn't realize you were made in Dallas, TX. I was made in Kansas but processed in El Paso, TX.


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