The Quixotic Pastor

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Things Pastors Shouldn't Say Aloud ...

... at least in certain situations.

For instance, when counseling with somebody: "Here's a quarter --call someone who cares."
When receiving an offering: "What's in your wallet?" [Although I think that would be a great stewardship sermon title ...]
When receiving an offering: "Jackpot!!!!"
When consecrating communion: "Spppppphhhhhh! [splutter] Alright, who put wine in the communion juice?"
When consecrating communion: "Darn! Wish someone Would put wine in the communion juice!"
When baptising someone, especially in certain denominations, "Dive, Captain, Dive!"
When baptising an infant wearing one of those lovely --but slippery-- satiny gowns: "I'm losing her, I'm losing her!"
During the reading of Scripture: "Jeez, who writes this stuff ...?"
When receiving an offering: "For me???? Aw, you shouldn't have ..."

There is great potential for comedy during worship ... think about experiences you've had. If you are reading this, why not take a moment to share and add a comment concerning real encounters of a comedy kind you or a colleague have had during worship?

I'll start ... once when I was preparing a bulletin, I accidentally typed in "What A Fiend We Have In Jesus" for one of the hymns. Fortunately I caught that typo before anyone else did ... but notice spell check would not have corrected this one ... I can just imagine what would have happened Sunday if I didn't catch the error. The pianist to the pastor: "'scuse me, Rev, I can't find this one in the hymnal ..."

I also, by the way, find Communion bloopers really funny [perhaps because I'm warped]. There is the time a pastor in rural Arkansas realized at the last minute that the communion loaf was not forthcoming. So he ran to the nearest grocery, a tiny little rural store, and purchased the last loaf of bread they had, a loaf of french bread. When it came time during the consecration for the breaking of the loaf, it was so stale, the whole thing shattered in tiny crumbs everywhere ...! Wish I knew how he recovered from that ... Wafers do have their advantages.

[Sound of trumpet] "Cha-a-a-r-r-ge!!!!"
Rev. Dona Quixote

2 Comments:

  • At 8:56 AM , Blogger revabi said...

    So funny, I am reading around. Will respond to this later. Got to go to a meeting with my DS about a consultation or somekind of palm reading I think. Ha ha.

    Have you hear Jerry Clower's green persimon wine communion story it is really funny.

     
  • At 6:48 PM , Blogger LutheranChik said...

    One of my pastorfriends' churches has a very deep baptismal font -- it's one of those built-in fonts at the entrance to the church, deep enough to fully immerse an infant or young child -- and indeed, the first thing that came to mind as I looked down into the water was, "What if someone dropped the kid in there?" (A companion suggested that a fishnet be kept handy to retrieve slippery infants from the drink.)

    Re bulletins...last week we had a great blooper in ours, referencing a clothing drive; the secretary had typed something like, "Women are asked to leave their clothing in the fellowship hall."

     

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